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Name: Johnny Josef L. Valenzuel
Location: Davao, Philippines
Interests: Debating, Blogging, Proving Everyone Wrong
Expertise: Debating, Reasoning(really?)
Occupation: Student Blogger
Message: message me
I submitted this as my newsletter entry in our class. Will I win?
My experience with the flood that devastated our province a few weeks ago was not as tragic and morbid compared to other stories that can make any eye drop a tear or two. My experience was rather light and easy since the water that surged in to our house didn’t even surpass my ankles (although it did leave a lot of mess and mushed school files in its wake).
It all started during the night of November 16. I visited my father and was then hospitalized in a public hospital near our school who had stroke. After that visit, I noticed that it was raining a lot outside. And since I loved the rain, I didn’t use my trusty umbrella to keep me dry. Instead, I let the harsh wind and torrential rain engulf me as I hailed on passing jeeps nearby so I could get home to my sister who was home alone.
Even though it’s common knowledge that people will be annoyed when a fat, wet, teenager would sit beside them, I didn’t care. I figured that I might as well enjoy my last school day for the previous year. But to lessen the injury, I opted to sit beside the driver so that if I’ll be an annoyance to a person, only one will be affected.
I saw an even bigger man trying to ride and occupy my seat so I gave it to him. The idea of being sandwiched by two burly men didn’t appeal to me as the best year-ender.
As the jeep hastily ran, I felt the benign water droplets turn to sharp, cold needles. The feeling was strangely pleasurable. I didn’t know it hen but my right leg was already soaking wet. My shoe was ruined but I couldn’t care less.
Because my hair was originally bushy, I tried to use my comb and style it while the water held it the way it was. And since the right side of my body was already astonishingly wet, I decided to stick my head out the protection of the vehicle’s roof and feel the full force of the storm with the speed of the wind on my face.
When I got home, I took a picture of my hair which was styled quite liberally for a person with my beliefs. It was spiky and uneven.
By 8 to 10 pm (I forgot the exact time), a friend sent a message for help to everyone in his phonebook. He said that they were already on the rooftop of their house because the water in their area was already ruining the houses. I offered him my prayers. It was the best thing that I could offer. It was the only assistance I could have given to him since we live far away from him.
My mom was not with us that day since he was taking care of my father who was hospitalized. My father can’t move by himself so my mother was there to assist him in any way possible.
We—my sister and I—decided to sleep by midnight since the weather was fit for a satisfying rest and the electricity was gone. We suspected that it happened because the strong winds knocked down the electrical posts bringing the electricity from the plant to our respective homes.
We were awakened by the concerned yells of our neighbor who was trying to wake us up since the water was now seeping in the houses in our neighborhood. We didn’t know that and since we were still groggy, we continued sleeping.
When we finally returned from our hearty sleep, we were shocked by the wet feeling in our floor. When I looked down, the floor of my room was completely covered by muddy water. It had the texture of oatmeal and the color of chocolate.
A person with the right state of mind would shout or scream or at least get angry. I’m different. I was delighted by the experience. It was really pleasurable to my senses.
We secured our things that were susceptible to being damaged by the flood. My school files were the only important stuff that was affected.
We got out of the house to check out the situation of our neighbors. The water in our house was only ankle-deep. When we got out, the water reached our knees.
The effect of the flood to the neighborhood’s social protocol was immediate. Everyone was asking the people near them about their current condition, whether or not the flood had damaged their appliances and other related things. The friendly neighbor previously tried to wake us up asked if we were okay. We answered that we could manage. I was only with my sister. My mother advised us from the hospital to get out of the house and evacuate to a house near ours which has a second floor in case the water will rise. As the water gradually drained from our house, we agreed to stay home.
Some kids were even bathing in the water which contained a lot pathogens which came from different horrific sources—human and animal corpses, filthy canals, animal droppings and the like.
I've learned one thing from that hammering tempest. I’ve seen that there are good things that can be the by-product of appalling occurrences. I’m not happy that the storm ravaged our province. It just opened my eyes to the truth that whatever happens—may they be good or otherwise—something good comes out from everything—however small or big.
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A few weeks ago, my mom received a Facebook message from her really nice sister-in-law inviting us to her daughter’s debut.
I must say that I wasn’t really perked up by the idea. I was of course thankful that my aunt invited us as guests but I’m not really good with travelling. In our clan, I think I’m the only one who can’t sit in a bus for 2 hours without vomiting and giving others a literal headache. (Please note that I’m using the word “literal” in its correct form. Yes. I’m really that pathetic.)
I also can’t tolerate short plane rides. I just can’t control my stool from ejecting out my anus whenever cramped, nervous, or dizzy. I also have hemorrhoids which exacerbates the whole experience. Imagine sitting in a filthy toilet seat hoping for more poop to roll down the bowl while suffering the butt-ripping pain hemorrhoids can easily afflict upon you.
The good thing was, we boarded a ship to reach the venue. (I prefer to travel by sea since I can sleep comfortably on a bed, exercise my feet, and talk with my companions in the lobby.) The place is actually owned by the debutante’s parents. They also have a bustling business in the US that I think is in the line of health.
As we got in the taxi which eventually brought us to the pier, my father, who traveled a lot for his work before, advised us to buy headache medication since I was coming. We just laughed him off telling him that we’ll just sleep the trip off.
I regretted every chuckle that came out of my mouth.
The voyage really started fine. I was with my mom, sisters, and cousins. I was the only man. When we boarded the ship, we really enjoyed ourselves since we rarely see each other. What I forgot is that there was a storm that was already forecasted to cross the seas that we were also travelling on.
Those 10 hours of suffering made me realize that I wasn’t made for travelling during storms.
I also made the mistake of eating too much chicken, instant noodles (which tasted like shoelaces marinated in grease) and Cheetos.
The ship sailed by 7 pm. We ate dinner by 8 pm. By 9 pm, the ship started to dance with the storm. I released the Krakens by 9:30 pm.
Even though the toilet cubicle where I spent the majority of my trip was in actuality foul, I felt a great deal of comfort as I defecated and vomited at the same time.
I stayed there for an eternity until my curious mother tried to look for me and found me already half-asleep.
She told me to come back as soon as I was done but I didn’t. I knew that dinner would still try to escape through my mouth.
I returned to my bed and tried to sleep by 12:30 but I still can’t so I returned to my filthy sanctuary.
By 1:30 am, God heard my pitiful calls and helped me to sleep – while still vomiting and pooping in the grimy stall.
By 2:45, thankfully, the sea vessel stopped trembling and I awoke with the best feeling ever. I then continued my sleep at my bed.
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(Um. Actually, this is part 1 of my birthday blog.)
Because I can’t find inspiration anywhere, this is going to contain mundane things about me.
1. I Don’t Like Charice
I just don’t. And I don’t know why. I’m not envious of her. She didn’t do anything that angered me. She didn’t kill my parents. I just don’t know why.
Maybe, because I don’t like her face’s shape. It’s so round. Almost like a plate.
I know that she’s made my country proud with her “magnificent” voice, but I think that there are a lot of better Filipino singers who don’t get breaks like this. I think, every good Filipino singer should send a video of their self singing to Oprah. Then let’s ask Oprah, “Who’s the better singer?”/”Who’s the best?”/”Who’s better than Charice?”
2. My Love for Eggs
I don’t know how to start explaining my irrational adoration for eggs. They’re so simple but each time I dine on them, it’s really a treat for me. It’s austerely heaven. It’s a stress-buster. And I can incorporate it to any dish I like to eat.
But I don’t like any other egg than the normal “white” variety. I won’t ever try a balut or penoy. (Trivia: Contrary to popular belief, balut (aborted duck chick) isn’t originally from the Philippines. It was brought by Chinese traders before when they came here to barter centuries ago.)
3. Ideal Girlfriend
My ideal girlfriend must be:
Who wants an ugly girlfriend? Do you? Where’s the phonebook? Let me call the local mental institution.
I don’t know why I like rich people. Maybe because I think that they have a better chance of surviving than the lesser affluent.
I’m really an Internet junkie so I want someone who can relate to me when I shout FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t want to be with 2 dumb people. It’s a waste of time. (Guess who the first one is.)
E. Shorter Than Me
I believe that in any man-to-woman relationship, females must always be shorter than males. For me, it just looks proper. No gender bias. I’m just fussy.
F. Not Black or Brown. Must Be White
I’m going to clarify, I’m not racist. I’m just really finicky. (Umm. White here refers to the skin complexion. Not the race.)
G. A Lover of Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation
I’d want someone who types in complete words and punctuations. I want someone who enjoys Spelling Bees and correcting other people’s grammar.
H. Slimmer than Me
I won’t say my waistline. It’s really embarrassing. But if you really want to know, you can ask me.
I. In Control of Her Words
I want someone who doesn’t swear a lot. My father already swears like 76 times a day. No need for another Madame Le Curse.
I can say that I’m really someone who enjoys humor a lot. It would be nice if I will be with someone who can make funny faces in front of her friends just to please them.
4. I Don’t Want To Be a Father
When I grow up, I don’t want to take care of anyone. I want to die single. But I will never succumb to death with a child of my own.
First off, I don’t think that having kids is a good investment. Even before they slide out from a woman’s vagina (or get extracted from the womb like a tumor), the carrier needs a lot of attention and special things. Therefore, any dad-to-be should be obliged to be patient so he won’t have the urge to strangle the carrier during her mood swings, caring so he is able to sacrifice everything just for the wellness of the pregnant woman, and rich so he can provide all the maternal dresses, milks, and vitamins the pregnant woman needs.
When they finally get out, they’ll be so mucky that they can challenge Muk to a PokeBattle and I’m sure Muk will lose. After that, you need to buy a lot of things for the baby too -- A crib, feeding bottles, milk, baby outfit, vitamins, and a nanny if you and your couple are busy with work. Once again, you need to spend a lot.
I’m not yet even done with the 4 am cries, the delicate feeding sessions, the rushes to the hospital since the bugger won’t stop crying, the safeguarding of dangerous chemicals from the baby, and the visits to the doctor. I won’t list everything you need to suffer through but if you need more, wait when it reaches the age where you need to provide for his/her education. If you get an intellectually sharp progeny, you’re saved from the homework and the principal visits because he knocked a kid or two. However, if you get a mini-tormentor, get ready for Mrs. Roberts frequent calls.
Then the child reaches adolescence – the time where they’ll start to rebel, talk back, violate their curfew, be friends with the wrong bunch, ask for money to buy clothes or skateboards or whatever is trending, experiment with drugs and sex and more. I think that adolescence is the hardest phase for a parent. Imagine all the facepalms they’ll do.
Then when they finally graduate from college, you urge them to look for a job but they just won’t. They’re still enjoying their life.
That’s why I don’t want to be a father. Just too stressful. Bad for the health.
If you discover a grammatical mistake, please contact me.
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If you watch Filipino news, you’ll encounter normal citizens blaming anyone and everyone for everything negative that happened to them. This is very wrong. Here, I’ll tackle the main issues that Filipinos blame on everyone but themselves.
Please comment if you encounter a grammatical discrepancy.
The 3 Filipinos Who Got Executed in China
Who Got Blamed: The Philippine Government
Who Should Be Blamed: Do I really need to state who?
If you are a Filipino, you’ve probably heard about the 3 Filipinos who got hanged in China because of drug possession. Almost every Filipino blamed the government saying that they didn’t do everything to save the 3 souls.
This is unfair.
First of all, our government never stopped in warning us to refuse any illegal paraphernalia being given to us specially when entering another country. What did those 3 Filipinos do? They agreed to be drug mules themselves. Second, Vice President Binay did everything he could to stop the execution. He sent a lot of letters to appeal to the Chinese government to hinder the execution. He even travelled there personally and pleaded the Chinese government to stop the hanging. Actually, he even convinced the government to postpone the hanging but it still happened.
If you pitied those Filipinos, why not think about the Chinese government? They were just being fair and strict about their laws. If they succumbed to our begging, what would the other countries do? If China gave in, more criminals would try to bring in their drug business to China which would ultimately ruin their stand against illegal drugs.
Let’s be sensible and think of this: Those Filipinos did a bad thing. They only got their consequence which was death.
Unemployment and Poverty
Who Got Blamed: The Government again!
Who Should Be Blamed: Ourselves
If you’re poor and you want to survive, you can do 2 things about it. It’s either you look for a job or start a business.
If you are unemployed, stand up, turn off the computer and look for a job. It doesn’t matter if you’re just a high school graduate or if your units are insufficient for a job. If you graduated college but still can’t find any job, go to job-posting websites. If you whine that you have no money for transportation, why not beg for some coins from your neighbors or other people around you? If you didn’t even reach college, look for blue-collar job (like stacking boxes).
If you’re poor but really cannot qualify for any job, you can start your own business. Now you may ask: “What business? I don’t even have enough money for three meals a day!” If that is the situation, I have got steps for you:
1. Play to your strengths-If you’re a good cook, why not try cooking food and then selling it? If you’re skillful in sewing, try sewing up scrap cloths together to create rags?
2. Gather up funds-If you’re really desolate, borrow a small amount of money from your relatives or friends or trusted people. If you’ve come up with your desirable amount, try to assess your situation and it’ll start from there.
3. Location, Location, Location-This is a very simple but commonly overlooked rule in business. If you have gathered the sufficient amount of money for your desired business venture, look for places in your neighborhood where you can put up a small stall or stand for displaying and selling your merchandise. Pick a busy area where many people pass by daily. However, if you can’t find the right place, why not attach wheels to your stall and peddle your goods around town?
4. Watch out for competition-You should also be careful when you have competition. If you are facing a stronger competitor (someone who has been servicing more customers than you), try to look for ways to beat your rival’s deals. You can sell your product for less. You can provide a free-tasting scheme for your new customers. You can also employ buy one, take one promos to outsell your products. Just be fair but adroit whenever facing an enemy.
5. When you earn enough profit, try to expand-Now this is the part where you’ll either earn more, or crash to the ground. If you want to expand, make sure that by expanding, you’ll make more, not bleed money. You should be really careful because expanding requires precise planning and execution. You can improve your business by renting your own place of business (if you didn’t have one) or add more variety to your commodities.
There! I’ve provided you with the basic steps that can help you start your own small enterprise. I hope this’ll help you.
Now, try to blame the government. I’m just a teenager but I never blamed the government for anything. If we can’t change our government through meaningless elections, then let’s try to change ourselves first. We’ll get to the administration if we can prove to ourselves that we’re already capable and willing to change it, not just whine about it.
If you want to comment, disagree, or just contact me, you can through the following sites:
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How was your Valentine’s? I hope you had tons of fun.
In this blog entry, I’m going to list down things that I’m worried about. If you personally know me, you would never think that I have worries and fears. But it turns out to be that I have a gazillion of them.
Please comment if you encounter a grammatical discrepancy.
I worry constantly about a lot of diseases.
As what I have stated in my last blog, I’m a hypochondriac (well I’m not really diagnosed as one but I have all the symptoms). I’m scared of having Elephantiasis, Filariasis, Tetanus, Rabies, Cancer, and a whole lot of diseases that I think that’s going to affect me.
Oftentimes, I exhibit Cyberchondria(The act of doing research in the Internet to check if symptoms one has are malignant.) and I get scared and frightened by what I see and read. I often think that “If this would happen to me, it’s better if I die right now.”
I worry about my future.
My father is already 60 years old (he’ll be 61 this July 5) and I’m reaching my college years alarmingly fast. I worry about the possibility of not finishing my schooling. My mom works too but her salary is indeed smaller than what my father earns. I’m scared of failing a subject (even though I never did) and having to waste one good year because of it.
Oh before I forget, I got a 50% scholarship from STI (a well-known school here in my country) because I won the title Mr. Juniors’ Night (which I will blog about in the future. Maybe my next blog will be about it).
I worry about my attitude.
Ever hear me backbite? Ever see me judge others just by how they dress or carry themselves in public? Ever see me discriminate someone just because I don’t want them to exist? Well, if you still have not, I suggest you don’t.
I am a very evil person. If I don’t like you, I can really make you cry just because I can.
Because of my presumptuousness, I have been reminded often (almost everyday) that I need to change my obnoxious personality as soon as possible because if not, I can land myself in big trouble.
I’m worrying about this because since I was a child, I’ve been very quick to criticize everything. From senseless advertisements on TV to stupid mothers who let their detestable children get the best of them. I’m worrying because there is a possibility that I might get into trouble if I don’t improve my self soon.
I worry about my health.
Now this entry is different from the first one. This entry is really solid and I know that for a fourteen year old, my health is really not at the top.
I’m overweight. I constantly exhibit the signs of Irritable Bowel Syndrome (which I think I have) and GERD (which I think I also have). I have arthritis, and I easily get tired specially when standing for a long period of time (ironically, I don’t get tired easily when I walk compared to when I’m standing). I sleep less than the recommended 8 hours a day. And I forget a lot of things (Short Term Memory Loss perhaps?).
But even though I have these bodily obstacles, I try to drink more than 2 liters of water a day. I also try to reduce my rice intake (because it’ll make me fatter and fatter). Aside from those, I make it a point that my brain should always be busy so I can exercise my mental stamina (mental stamina? I think that that phrase is wrong.), I also walk every night with friends just so we can have fun (and exercise for me and my obese friend too!).
These worries will trouble me until I look for a solution.